The performance anxiety is already killing me. What's funny is there's no evidence anyone is reading this anyway. And why would they? I haven't said much yet. This is kind of how my personal journal tends to go . . . only much worse. Yeah, that's right, I get performance anxiety writing my personal journal, writing for just me and God. What a mess, huh? But let's forget about that for now.
This is the thing I really need to say:
Jesus is King. He's good.
Jesus loves me. And, well, how can I help but love Him back?
He is my Strength, my Source, my Song.
He's my best friend. I've been blessed with some great friends, but He's clearly the best.
He saved me. He still saves me. Everyday, he rescues me from some mess I get myself into, plucks me from some trap that's been laid for me.
He's my Provider.
He makes me smile. He makes me laugh.
He heals me. He helps me. He makes things right.
He's changing me from the inside out.
Jesus is Way Cool.
I've been around for a few decades and I can't ever see that He's let me down or left me alone. Mind you, most of that time I was running away from Him, trying to fit Him in little boxes (tiny ones, like my brain), swearing at Him or just plain ignoring Him. All of that time that I was trying to get rid of Him, He kept chasing after me. All of the time that I refused to believe Him, He still believed in me. I was screaming "La, la, la, la, la! I can't hear you!" but He just kept whispering my name and telling me how much He loves me.
If I don't say anything else, I want to say that. I want to let you know. That's the important part.
That's the first Truth. That's the Truth that drives all of the others.
Jesus. Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. Remind you of any songs? His name says it all: "Yahweh saves" or "Yahweh is Salvation." Joshua. Yehoshua. Yeshua. "Hey zeus" (the sound not the symbol). Doesn't matter how you say it. Jesus is all that.
We'll come back to this from time to time.
There. That wasn't so bad (at least for me). Don't know how it feels for any poor soul who happens to be reading this. Just spit out a few words. Share what's on your heart. It is okay that I spend lots of time talking to myself, isn't it?
Not a vacation
6 years ago
5 comments:
Hey! Are you in KC, or at least familiar with the IHOP?
Hey there, Autumn. This is Joel. You replied to my blog (pathetic little blog I have; only two teeny entries so far and it's been a few months). Yep, we are connected with the IHOP KC. My daughter spent two summers as a "Fire in the Night" intern and is sure the LORD will have here there for a season (probably two or three years at least). We try to get up there as often as we can (OneThing, Harp and Bowl, just to hang out in the prayer room) and would like to start a house of prayer here. Really, if I could figure out how to make it work, I'd love it if my wife and I could be in KC for at least a bit. We're in little ol' Wylie, Texas (NE of Dallas) right now.
So, how 'bout you? Have you been to KC? What do you know about those scary intercessors? ;-) I'll get to reading your blog in a bit. Just wanted to touch base.
Thanks for making contact. And I'm gonna say that the LORD planned this, because I only check the associated email once every two or three weeks and -boom- there you were just a couple of hours ago. I tried to figure out a different way to connect (and I'll probably post this on my blog, too), but this is what I came up with on the spur of the moment.
Never been to KC but thinking of going next weekend with a group from the Cleveland IHOP... www.ihopcleveland.org My husband and I are going through the internship here (this is actually my second time through) and spend quite a bit of them there loving on the Lord and vice versa. That's AWESOME that you are even thinking along the lines of starting a prayer house in Wylie, Texas!
boy, I relate to the whole "la la la la, I can't hear you!" thing! and then I read the comments and I think, "why are they going on about the International House of Pancakes, anyway?" duh. You are one of a handful of blogs that list David Ruis as favorite music, so that's how I found you. blessings!
Lynn,
I've been rather lax in my blogging, but received your comment (at "Jesus for King") and appreciate the empathy. By the way, I like your poem.
It's always nice to find another fan of David Ruis. Was just listening to "Cry Mercy." That there's a wild CD. Have you heard "The Mystery"? It's maybe my favorite Ruis project (and another wild one), a collaboration with Rik Leaf and Kim McMechan (you may find it under "kede-r"; the name the trio has given given itself); defies classification: definitely not typical church fare. Do you know of Rita Springer? Another of Ruis's associates; you might appreciate her tunes as well. Good, earthy voice, probing questions. Seems to me that folks wanting to get closer to God oughta be asking more questions. . .
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